Divorce and Mental Health: Lawrence Law Attorney Says Emotional Wellness Is Key to a Stronger Settlement

Part of TAPinto's Divorce Talks SeriesNEW JERSEY — Divorce is one of the most emotionally traumatic experiences a person can face — and how well someone manages that trauma can directly affect the outcome of their case.That is the message from Jeralyn Lawrence, founder of Lawrence Law Divorce and Family Lawyers, who sat down with TAPinto for the latest installment of the Divorce Talks series."Some of the most traumatic things somebody goes through is the death of somebody — right up there next to that is a divorce," Lawrence said. "And sometimes the emotion of the divorce is what actually controls the divorce."The Emotional DivideLawrence said it is common for divorcing spouses to be at very different emotional stages at the same time — and that gap can stall the legal process entirely."You are still in the locker room getting ready for the race, and perhaps your spouse has already run that race," she said. "And that's a hard place to be."Her advice: build a village. Lawrence said she regularly encourages clients to seek therapeutic support, not because she is equipped to provide it herself, but because she knows how critical it is to the process."I'm a lot about being able to identify issues and being able to make that referral," she said. "We need to get you some therapeutic support."The payoff, she said, shows up long after the case is closed. Clients who prioritize their mental health during proceedings tend to make clearer decisions — and find more peace with those decisions later.Those who do not get the support they need, she added, often bounce from lawyer to lawyer searching for the answer they want rather than the right answer — and end up unsatisfied with the result.What Are You Actually Entitled To?One of the most persistent misconceptions Lawrence encounters is that divorce settlements follow a one-size-fits-all formula. They do not."Every marriage is different, and so every divorce is different," she said.The starting points, she explained, are the length of the marriage, the ages of the parties, earning capacity, number and ages of children, and what was acquired during the marriage. From there, the goal is not a perfect split — it is a fair one."We come up with a comprehensive, holistic approach as to something that feels fair for both parties," Lawrence said. "Not saying they're going to love it, but it feels fair."She also noted a growing issue at the negotiating table: gambling debt. With sports betting now accessible around the clock, Lawrence said she is seeing more accumulation of gambling-related debt in divorce cases than ever before.Why Spring Is Divorce SeasonLawrence confirmed what many family law attorneys see every year: filings spike in the spring. She said the psychology behind it is straightforward."After a really long, cold, snowy winter being cooped up in the house, as soon as the flowers bloom and the sun is shining, people take stock as to what's making them happy," she said. "Spring is a renewal, a rebirth."She also pushed back on the old conventional wisdom that couples should stay together for the sake of the children."You really want to model loving relationships because your kids are watching you," Lawrence said. "While it's not easy — and I've been through it — many times it's necessary, and many times it's worth it."A Message for MothersWith Mother's Day approaching, Lawrence had a direct message for mothers who fear they may not have their children with them on the holiday."Mother's Day and Father's Day are really sacred days," she said. "Every mother should have their child with them on Mother's Day. Every father should have their child with them on Father's Day. It's just that simple."She added that courts take a dim view of any parent who interferes with that time — and reminded mothers not to measure the day in hours."Don't count the minutes. Just count the time and enjoy the time," Lawrence said. “It doesn't need to be anything fancy. Picking flowers, going on a walk — as long as it's coming from the heart.”Lawrence Law is a full-service divorce and family law firm with offices in Watching and Red Bank, New Jersey. Whether through litigation, mediation, arbitration, or a collaborative process, Lawrence Law attorneys and staff work diligently on their clients’ behalf through difficult personal times – never losing focus on what matters most to them.Lawrence Law Divorce & Family Lawyers is located at 744 Mountain Blvd., Watchung. For more information, call 908-645-1000.